The ups and downs of being a SAHM

Well...I think I've had my first official meltdown since deciding to be a SAHM.

My little luvies have been under the weather for over a week now...and it's beginning to take a toll on me. Emily's cold has been very mild, but Allie has been super congested with an awful cough. She coughs so hard that she ends up gagging and then throwing up. I ended up taking her to the Dr. after several days of no improvement. Like usual...she said it was just a cold that had to run it's course and advised me to use the aspirator, incline her mattress, and turn on the humidifier...all of which I had already been doing. They also aren't eating like they usually do. Emily usually scarfs her bottle down like she's never eaten before...and she just seems uninterested as of late. Same with Allie. Chris and I think this could either be because they aren't feeling up to par or maybe they are teething. Landon wasn't as interested in his bottle when he began teething. Either way, it is stressful to me when they won't eat well and they are feeling sick.

So when Allie puked up her ENTIRE bottle plus some while I was making dinner and Emily refused to drink anymore than 2 ounces of her bottle...all the while Landon is running around nude refusing to put on is jammies and shouting "I have a penis!!" at the top of his lungs...I had a bit of a mental breakdown..............

Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't trade this opportunity to stay home with my kiddos for the world, but let me tell ya...it is THE HARDEST job in the world. It's 10 million times harder than teaching 3rd grade. It is just so repetitive and neverending. And you get zero compensation. I remember thinking a few years ago when I had the "kid from hell" in my class, "I sure am glad they pay me well or I sure am glad this kid only has a few more months left of 3rd grade!" I bust my butt everyday to take care of two newborns...high maintenance newborns at that, keep the house looking somewhat clean or atleast tidy, clean the toilets that have Landon pee all over them, sweep, mop, and vacuum the floors, keep up with the neverending loads of laundry, make a balanced dinner for my family most nights, run what few errands are possible to run with two infant carriers in tow, and on top of that...try my damndest to get in a shower and a little make-up so my hubby doesn't walk through the door at night only to see me looking exactly the way he left me 8 hours ago. I have always promised myself that I will NEVER turn into one of those frumpy housewives. Once I am done with all of this and the kiddos are in bed, I have a few hours before it starts all over again. Sometimes it just feels like there is no end in sight. I think what I'm missing is the adult interaction I had when I taught. Or maybe it's the "Thank you!" or "You're doing such a great job!" that I miss about being a working mom. Being a SAHM is, in a way, Thankless. I just do what I do as a housewife and mother and that's it. There's no principal or team member here to give me kuddos or give me money.

I guess I have to give myself a little credit being that I'm raising twins. I mean...I have it double-hard, right? Most all of the SAHM's in my StrollerStrides class tell me they feel this exact same way, but I have it doubletime! And girls at that! These divas are harder than Landon would have ever thought to of been.

When I think to myself, "Did I make the right choice quitting my job? Was I meant to be a SAHM?", the answer is ALWAYS yes. Even when I'm having a tough day, there is still nothing I would rather be doing than staying home with my girls. These girls ADORE me! They light up when I walk in the room and scream at the top of their lungs when I leave :) Those little luvbugs make it all worth it. Even though on some days, I want to pull my hair out...I know that this is what God wants me to do. I was given this opportunity for a reason, and I'm going to embrace it for everything that it's worth.

I think my little meltdown tonight just stems from the super hard week we've had due to the girls being sick. We've been off sleep schedules, feeding times, and they have been very fussy and iratable. Hopefully, they will start feeling better soon so we can get back into our routine. Routine is my life these days, and without it, there's chaos. Chris is such a sweet husband, though. He was trying so hard to make me feel better, and all I kept saying is, "You'll never understand!" (in a super whiny voice). Poor guy :(

Thanks for listening to me vent. Taking time to write it all down has made me feel better. Now I better go check on my sweet baby girls and make sure no one's throwing up or anything of the nature. Then it's off to bed for a good night's sleep. Awwww...nothing like my comfy cozy bed :)